It has been long told by people and books that we, the humans are social animals and sure enough, there has always been a difficulty in trying to live alone, be off, without people, without family, without friends, without my own self.
But then how do you cope up with nothing left by your side? Love has always been this selfish little thing, you have everyone, friends and family, until you have love to give them, and care to show them, what when you have nothing left inside yourself to feel, let alone to show?
It has been few days, since I heard this word, “existential crisis” and being a curious mind, I searched and searched and searched what it actually means.
I didn’t found out, but was I going to give up so easily?
That wasn’t actually a piece of cake, was it? And maybe as keen student I was, I am coming to think I asked for it, too keenly, too much, too soon, and here it was, Google showed it as, “Existential crises are moments when individuals question whether their lives have meaning, purpose, or value.” But what is left to question anyway? There is nothing I feel, numbness is too numb here, once I remember there was darkness here and I was left to deal with it, and I thought, “there couldn’t be anything worse than this, that’s it, darkness is the pinnacle of all the tragedies, once you close your eyes and there is nothing but darkness” but few days back I was proved wrong.
A random conversation with someone and he said, “darkness is nothing, nothing, when you have someone to hold you, to be by your side, to listen to your stories, there is still a feeling of togetherness, darkness can be conquered” and surely I did conquered it with the light of love from friends around, but now how to fight this numbness?
When there are people you love, you care about standing in front of you, and still as if they hardly matter, there is someone filling in the vacuum between your fingers with all the love in the universe and still you feel nothing, no love, no stress, not even lack of love, happiness or even lack of it. You have everything and even then you can’t, you can not feel anything, maybe I actually asked for it too keenly, too much.
